SUMMER IS HERE. UNI HAS BEEN SUCH A PAIN BUT I CAN FINALLY RELAX. Well maybe relax is the wrong word here, more I can focus on my own things.

Summer for me last year, to say the least sucked. I mopped around in my bed most of the time and could barely focus on anything, the only thing I was focused on was playing Zelda: tears of the Kingdom which wasn't a bad way to spend the summer but it felt like the only reason I played that game so much was that it was the easiest thing for my brain to do and everything else felt impossible to do. But this summer is gonna be different.... hopefully. I have gone through these feelings many times. First happy about summer coming because I can focus on my own things, then I do nothing but become an unproductive depressed sack, and then I'm happy for uni or school to be back cus it at the very least makes me feel like I'm doing something with my life. The main difference I'm gonna do this year is I'm gonna plan out my days thoroughly. It is so much easier to focus on something when I have planned it for a specific time frame. And when I say thoroughly I MEAN IT. What things I'll help with, what songs I'll work on, what games I'll play when I'll eat and fix food, everything. Even things like picking up a game to play can be really difficult and tiring for me so having it planned makes it so much easier to start. Gonna try and make sure my parents know that if they want me to do something tell me in advance so I can plan it in. The biggest problem with being home with my parents is I don't know when my family will need me for something which makes it hard to plan things resulting in me just laying around waiting for my parents to ask for help.

I have tried to make a list of things I want to do this summer, made it look like an achievement list to motivate myself. It's already looking very crowded. Some of the things I've written include making a bunch of music tourney tracks, learning to cook, finish a bunch of games in my backlog, fix my joycons, learn to mod or even repair my old consoles, learn disassembling software, get back to speed on some old uni courses I've been dragging behind me and prepare for the new courses in autumn and this is only taking into account things I've written down so far, other things I'd love to do is learn to draw, learn to sing, research and learn new music making techniques. Ugh summer has barely already begun and I've already overwhelmed myself.... great. You know even if I manage to focus on things, plan things out and follow the schedule I make for myself, it doesn't mean I'll actually get as much done as I want to. Don't know what would be worse, me moping around for another summer, or trying my best and still getting nothing done. The worst part is I don't even know what expectations I should have on myself. How much should I expect myself to do this summer, should I plan out every part of the day or should I let myself have free time even if it is spent on nothing but sitting around doing nothing, should I honestly even try planning out things or should I try and spend the summer recharging for uni? God I wish I knew. But hey I won't know if it will work until I try it so I'll give it my best.... hmmmm giving it your best... that phrase always bothered me. Like how do I know I'm really doing my best, I could think of many situations where I did terribly or did not make much of an effort on something but I at the same time couldn't pull myself to do more you know? If I was in a different mood like more stressed or scared about the situation I probably would have tried harder and have gotten more done. So did I really do my best in that case? Maybe for how I felt at the time I did my best but then the point of the phrase kinda fails if you just do as well as your current mood, then you are not really doing your best. Doing your best that phrase feels so empty honestly.

Don't know where to put this but I also got two new followers not too long ago, feels strange since I haven't been posting anything recently but it's nice to see at least.

God I hope this summer will be good too me, I don't have much original music planned out so this account probably won't be seeing much activity sadly. But who knows maybe I can get a song done, I hope so. And I think that's all from me right now, technically there are other things I could write about but I don't feel like trying to write every single thing on my mind over the past week and this post is already long enough where I'm satisfied with my effort. The fact that I could get myself out of bed and focus on this in the morning is a good start I'd say. I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep so I started working on this and a few other things 6 in the morning instead of the planned 8 lol. I gonna so fucking tired in the afternoon but now that I don't have to worry about any uni courses it really shouldn't be that much of a problem. Hope you have a good summer as well, no matter how you plan to spend it. Have a good one, hopefully I'll see you around.